The grand story.
And we ripped up the ending... and the rules... and destiny - leaving nothing but freedom and choice.
I'm getting ahead of myself.
Let me tell you my story.

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classicmeevs:

ocbr:

ocbr:

yesterday this girl in my academic writing class sits down next to me and puts 3 bananas on the desk (which was jarring by itself) and i had two bananas in my backpack so i wanted to see if she would notice if i added those to her banana pile when she wasn’t looking and when she finally looked back at the bananas she sighed and said really quietly to herself “oh my god…i have so many…” and put all five of them in her backpack

ok its not that funny

It is that fucking funny

(Source: sweethotnight)

the-calvaree:

this will never not be funny

sexhaver:

a team in last year’s robotics class forgot to comment out a line of joke code so during the final their robot completed the assigned task in autonomous mode, stopped directly in front of the professor, printed “HEADED HOME, MOTHERFUCKERS” to its LCD, and drove back to base

whothefuckiscas:

looks like drake and i are on the same page

(Source: petitfrenchie)

optimysticals:

This was a ride.

(Source: sandandglass)

corteesolo:

supernatural ( 11x20 ) + ao3 tags

(Source: corteasolo)

lordwhat:

It was bound to happen eventually.

consultingskeletondetective:

I remember when I first got Harry Potter and the deathly hallows I picked the book up and it accidentally flicked to the last few pages and I quickly shut it because I didn’t want to spoil it for myself but I saw “Ginny kissed Albus” and I remember thinking “fucking plot twist”.

jacklesonmymind:

marinkaja:

it just got better

(Source: twerks4dean-blog)

juug-osiris:

amuzed1:

sourcedumal:

boredpanda:

Dad Of 4 Girls Tweets Conversations With His Daughters, Proves Parenting Is Fun

Lmfaoooooo children will roast you. Truly

The 5-year-old is SAVAGE. LOL

“I read her the instructions” 😂😂😂

thelilnan:

clockworkjerk:

mytinygayitalianson:

poshxspice:

subject13fringe:

montypythonandtheholyblog:

today I learned that if you want to slash someone’s tires, don’t slash all four; only slash three because if you slash all four their insurance will pay for it but if you only slash three they have to pay for it all out of pocket 

❤

today on satan makes a blog post

Life tip: if someone slashes 3 of your tires, slash the 4th one yourself and blame it on the person who slashed the first 3. Now, your insurance will pay for it.

Life tip: If you slash 3 of their tires, hide out nearby until they discover their slashed tires. Take pictures of them slashing their fourth tire. Show police when they arrive on scene. Convicted of insurance fraud and still have to pay for tires.

i feel like i’m reading a Spy vs Spy comic in text format

sketchydean:

based on [x]

lucifer you done goofed

(Source: archived8253)

smattenhove:

cacen:

teapartyasian:

Is there a word that’s a mix between angry and sad

malcontented, disgruntled, miserable, desolated

smad.